I could tell you exactly where I was standing, exactly what was said, who said it and how it made me feel. The only thing I can’t remember is the date or the time. What am I talking about you ask? I’m talking about a lie…when I believed my first one. This blog entry is going to be about my journey over the past 10-11 years of my life and how I lived, believing this lie and how it greatly affected my life and my walk with God.
I was somewhere between the ages of 10 & 12 when Satan really began hurling the lie at me that I was ugly. And I believed it – I didn’t realize at the time though that it was a lie. People would say things to me and tease me about different things like my height, my clothes, my complexion, etc. I don’t think they were trying to intentionally be mean or hurt me, but Satan was weaving that lie in my life like a spider weaves a web; and I began wishing I were different…someone taller, prettier, skinnier, wishing I had different clothes, etc. Pretty much anything I could have changed, I wanted to.
Around the time I was 14 years old, I started to try and hide myself. I tried hiding under baggy clothes, behind glasses (I had them for reading, but wore them almost all the time), etc. Whatever I could do to keep people from seeing who I really was; after all, I didn’t think anybody liked that Sara.
A year or 2 later, when I was about 16, I came out of my ‘hiding’ but started looking for validation in my friends, hoping I would meet up to their standards. I still felt like I had to be and look different than who I really was though. That was a very large mistake. I know now that there is only one that I should have been looking to for validation and that’s God! But that seeking for validation led to other struggles in my life – which I won’t share right now, but I can tell you it’s not been an easy road.
However, I didn’t learn all this until last year, soon after I turned 20, when I attended a WIT Singles conference. I then came home, confessed just what I thought I needed to, to who I thought I needed to and all was okay…for awhile, then I went right back to seeking that validation and those old struggles came right along with it.
This year, however, I attended the WIT conference again and my life has changed dramatically! Am I saying the struggles are gone? Not quite! But I am focusing on getting my validation from God and not from others!
A couple of days after I got back from WIT this year, I was looking through my book and going through the list of lies, and I realized that the main lie I believed – that I was ugly – led to me believing 12 other lies – that I was a failure, I was not important, I wished I was someone else, I’m nobody special, I’m forgotten, everybody else is better than I am, others have better things than I do, no one cares how I feel, no one appreciates what I do, I will never be as good as so-and-so, people will think less of me & I would do better in a different family. And those in turn, led me to start seeking the validation from sources other than God.
Isn’t it amazing how Satan planted 1 lie in my life and over the course of several years, it led to at least 12 other lies, discontentment, and seeking acceptance from others instead of God?!
What’s even more amazing is that I have a Savior, Friend & God who, even though I have grieved Him many times, still loves me, cares for me, forgives me and calls me His Daughter! He sent His one and only Son to die in my place and set me free! And “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” John 8:36!!!
Who will join me in saying “AMEN!” to our GREAT GOD?!?!