I love the song by Chris Sligh titled “Empty Me”…the beginning of the chorus is what particularly sticks out to me….
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride…”
Pride…how many times have I seen that word in the past 4-5 months? Too many to count.
Back in June, when I went on a Journey to the Heart, God convicted me of a very prideful heart, and again when I was at the WIT conference back in August.
After I got back from the WIT conference, I was asked what I had learned and when I answered that I really began to realize that I had a prideful heart, especially in the area of serving others.
The next question I was asked was “Now that you realize it, what are you going to do about it?” I replied that unless I could serve from a true servants heart, and not for prideful reasons, I wouldn’t serve.
That hasn’t been hard until just recently, when a ministry opportunity came up and I thought God wanted me to do it, but I hadn’t gotten a perfectly clear answer on it. Doors were opening and I was getting excited, thinking the answer was yes, but God has other plans, and started shutting doors.
As I would read my Bible and pray, Pride kept coming to mind, but I thought ‘I’m not being prideful about this, I want to go to serve.’ But last Sunday, during church, I was really confused and still searching for an answer as to whether or not God really wanted me to do this. I opened up my Bible and the first verse to catch my eye was a verse on pride (I believe it was Proverbs 29:23 – “A man’s pride will bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.” )
I knew then that the answer was no, that, because deep down in my heart, I had prideful reasons for wanting to go. Yes, I wanted to go serve, but at the same time I kept thinking ‘people will really be able to see what a servants heart I have’, and ‘think of all the stories I would have of how I helped others’. Yes…I really thought that…I hate even writing it, but it’s true.
So I am praying that God will change my heart from a Prideful heart to a Humble heart.
It will not be an easy road, or a ‘quick fix’, but with God nothing is impossible 🙂