I’ve noticed that most of my blog posts consist of things I’ve learned / am learning, but very rarely do I share the events ‘behind the scenes’…unless of course it’s something good, but if it’s not so good, I’d rather keep quiet and just write about the good stuff; somehow ‘skipping’ over those difficult things…mainly because of pride and not wanting to tell on myself…which is exactly what I’m about to do.
Today I was fasting, and because of that, I didn’t have a very high energy level or much ambition. However, there is a lady down the road from us that’s a widow, and she had asked earlier this week if Ryan and I could help her rake leaves today. We had said we would, and, I shamefully admit, when I was getting ready to go down there this afternoon, I did not have a servants heart…instead it was more of a selfish heart.
On the outside I was all “I’m glad we can help you out, it’s a beautiful day to be outside!” but, I hate to say, that was not my hearts attitude…in fact, my hearts attitude was pretty nasty. It was more along the lines of “I wish I were at home….I just don’t have energy…this is such a huge job…I’m hungry…why can’t we just leave them on the ground?” Yeah…I said it wasn’t a real servants attitude!!
But I realized that, even though outwardly I was ‘servant-like’, inwardly is what really matters. At that time, a verse that my friend Tiana had e-mailed me earlier that week popped into my mind –
“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 2:5
I knew my attitude was definitely NOT Christ-like. So, I started praying that God would change my heart and allow me to get my focus off myself and what I wanted, and to give me the servants heart that I needed.
After a while – a half hour or so – I suddenly realized that I was no longer hungry, and I actually had energy to do the work! It took us about 5 hours to get it all done, and yes, I was tired by then, but it was a good kind of tired…and, I still wasn’t hungry 🙂
God has been showing me this week, that I need to have a more Christ-like attitude…and He has given me opportunities to practice this lesson…although I must say, I sure wish my attitude would have been Christ-like when I first started raking leaves, instead of a half-hour into the job.