I am not the kind of person that enjoys making decisions…especially big ones. If I have clear direction from God, however, it’s not a problem…it’s those times where I can’t quite hear what He’s saying that are difficult.
Like with Journey to the Heart…I have been praying for the last 2-3 months about this and asking God to put everything into place if I was meant to go. For awhile the answer was the same…. “wait on me”…so, I waited….and waited…and waited. I started getting very anxious with the time rapidly passing by and still not seeing provision.
Then I started to hear something different…I started hearing a very faint, ‘no’…and it was not what I was hoping for. Very discouraged and upset, I continued praying…praying that ultimately God’s will would be done, and if the answer really was to be ‘no’, that I would accept it, and move on…thanking Him for His answer.
And so it’s been for the past 2 weeks or so…me praying…more like pleading….for a CLEAR answer…even if it would be ‘no’…just so I had an answer. And it seemed like Wednesday/Thursday I got my answer…I would not be going on this Journey; and I was fine with that…I actually had a peace about it…until today.
It seems things are starting to fall into place a little bit for me to be able to go, and now I don’t know WHAT the answer is. I had such a peace about staying, that now, thinking about going, I’m not sure if it’s what God really wants…the answer still isn’t clear….
It’s just so hard to tell if He’s saying ‘no’….or if He’s saying ‘go’.