My Journey from Within pt. 2

Lisa L.’s story continues………

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In 1990 we had the Birth of our first born child, Jacob Steven.  10 days later we experienced his death.  This was total destruction and devastation, I still haven’t figured out to what good I can place on it, but I do know one thing that God never left my side, because I can smile and enjoy life today.  I just place my trust in Him and the fact that we have a child in heaven waiting for his momma and daddy to come home.

In 1991 less than a year later we gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Alitza Ann, a difficult birth with forceps and a true knot in her cord, resulting in Cerebral palsy.  Oh, but God I had the faith to move mountains, I trusted you in this pregnancy, you let me down, I didn’t deserve this, I thought God owed me something.  I expected to be let down by man but not by God!  He allowed more things to happen to me than what I could handle…Just what was He thinking?  Eventually, I even became broken. 

Just recently I figured out that I had misinterpreted a scripture “God won’t ever give you more than you can handle!” which is an old adage that people say to you.  The correct scriptureis 1st Corinthians 10:13 “the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.  And God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”  Deceived by what “I” portrayed a scripture to mean.  HMMMM……… 

In 1993 I miscarried, the road down hill…. Soon after Depression followed… looking back I see this as an overload of responsibility with little sleep and the body just shut down, I passed out one night with Alitza in my arms at a night time wake up session and this is when I became broke.  When you become this depressed you go back to all of the basics.  

God became my Rock, the only thing to hold one, nothing else could fill the void, no food, no shopping trip, no vacation, no coffee drink, ABSOLUTELY NO QUICK FIXES.  I was terrified to take medications as I had had a very bad reaction to one.  God led me to a terrific physiatrist and even got me into see him immediately when the waiting list for any Dr. was at least 6mths long.  

 This dr. suggested I be put on Prozac, which was a bad word to me and a couple of other meds which even terrified me more.  I was at home ready to take the first dose and I began praying about it…..as I was praying the phone rang.

 It was a lady from our church asking to use our card table for a church dinner….in the conversation, I don’t know how it came up but this person actually asked me if I had ever taken Prozac, I said, “well actually I’m just getting ready to pop it into my mouth right now, but I’m afraid”, she said, “oh Lisa don’t be afraid of it, it will help you.”  Bingo, my confirmation 🙂  I’ve been on it ever since.  God slowly lifted me from the depression with wonderful gifts that I couldn’t have otherwise received, if I hadn’t been taken to the point of totally relying on Him.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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