The roller coaster continued, and July 2012, at the WIT conference again, Kyle and I got a chance to talk, just the 2 of us, and we talked about a lot of things…including where our hearts were regarding each other…they were pretty much in the same place!

At this point, we still weren’t talking to each other a whole lot, except when our families were together…no phone calls, not talking to each other a lot at church.

2012 seemed to fly by, and I kept anxiously awaiting to see where our relationship would go.

October 20th 2012 was one of the HARDEST times I have EVER been through….Kyle left for Journey to the Heart.  I’ll be honest and say I cried quite a bit while he was gone…and also through this time, I was somewhat desiring to go on the girls Journey in November, but had no clear direction from God…I had mixed feelings about it…if I stayed home, I’d get to see Kyle sooner…but if I went, it would be a total of 32 days that I wouldn’t see him or hear from him.  I ended up going.

My heart and mind were on Kyle however….

November 6th, while I was reading my Bible, God gave me the verse,  Malachi 3:10 – “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”

I instantly knew He was asking, once again, for my relationship with Kyle…I had ‘given’ it to Him so many times before, but always took it back…never really wanting to completely die to it.

November 8th – our day of fasting on Journey – I wrote out a note of surrender, giving Kyle completely to God…even if it meant I wouldn’t marry him…took the note, and set off on a walk.  When I first knew I wanted to bury the note, a certain place around the lake came right to mind, and I headed for that spot.  It was a spot along the trail, where the trees stopped, and  the lake came to the edge of the path…and there was swamp land on the other side of the path.

I had to bury the note under a rock on the ‘swamp’ side of the path, since the ground was frozen too much for me to dig a hole.

My heart ached, and after I buried the note, I remember crying and asking God, “Why are you doing this to me?!  Why did you even bring me here?!”



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