I started writing this post July 9th, but since I don’t have internet access at home, it’s taken me a little while to actually get it posted 🙂 Enjoy!
I’ve learned a lot about being a mom in the 4 weeks since Johnathan joined our little family. It’s all been a learning experience, but it didn’t really hit me until yesterday, just what being a mom really is.
I always knew being a mom wasn’t easy, and required a lot of work, but I never truly understood the amount of sacrifice, and selflessness it took.
Gone are the nights of being able just to sleep – here to stay for awhile, are the nights of getting up every few hours to nurse a hungry baby, change a messy diaper, and rock my little guy back to sleep…while fighting not to fall asleep myself.
Gone is the freedom that I used to have to just be able to take off with Kyle at a moment’s notice and go do something fun – now we either have to plan ahead, or sometimes I just get ‘left behind’ because it would be too difficult to take Johnathan.
Gone is the ability to “plan” my day – now it’s just a matter of getting done what I can while Johnathan’s sleeping, or between feedings, and diaper changes.
Gone are the days of being able to put on an outfit in the morning and wear it all day – I now have more laundry than ever, due to baby spit up, and overloaded, leaky diapers.
And if that was all I focused on, then life would be very discouraging and overwhelming right now. But it’s so much more than that! It’s all the ‘little’ things that keep me going, and make it so worth the sacrifice, and selflessness…like a little toothless smile as he dozes off right after he’s eaten, or those times right after his bath, when he’s all fresh and clean and in his pajamas, and I can just cuddle and rock him. It’s those little cooing noises he makes when he’s swinging in his swing; happy as can be. It’s those big, baby blue eyes looking up at me; so full of wonder and amazement. It’s his little hand holding tight to my finger. It’s his little head on my shoulder as he sleeps; feeling his warm breath on my neck. It’s the funny facial expressions he makes when he’s looking at me (my favorite is when he crosses his eyes and purses his lips!).
So yes, while life as a mother can be very taxing and draining (both physically and mentally), it can also be the most fulfilling thing ever!
But it does take an amazing amount of sacrifice and selflessness. I have to learn to put Johnathan’s needs before my needs/wants. I have to learn not to dwell on what I can no longer do, and instead, focus on what truly matters, and thank the Lord for this time of life.
I have found that the most difficult times for me, are when I do get my focus off of what matters, and focus totally on myself and what I’m not getting. When that happens, I find myself very emotional and worn out (just ask Kyle, he’ll tell you just how emotional I can be at times! 🙂 ).
I’ve said to myself during difficult times that “this too shall pass”. But at the same time, I don’t want to miss out on this time of life. There are so many little joys at this stage, if I just keep my focus where it needs to be.
Let me end by saying this…..being a mom is wonderful – albeit challenging at times – and I wouldn’t trade it for anything! 🙂