Whom Shall I Fear…

I just found this song via a friend, and it is AMAZING!  It’s called “Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)”  by Chris Tomlin.  As I was listening to it, it reminded me of what I went through last Saturday night at Journey.  I KNOW who goes before me!  I KNOW who stands behind!  He is ALWAYS by my side!

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You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light
Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I’m holding on to Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

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Journey to the Heart Testimony part 2

I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out how I would write all this so that it makes sense…I guess the best way is just to tell it like it happened and hope you can understand it 🙂

Throughout the week, we had been learning of Spiritual Warfare, and little did I know that I was about to experience it…

It was Saturday evening and we had just finished watching a DVD by Tom Harmon.  We had planned to go back to our cabin, but decided that, since it was the last night in the Northwoods, we would stay at the lodge and visit for awhile.

While the other girls were talking, laughing, and playing games, I felt a real sense of heaviness on my heart…a heaviness I couldn’t explain.  I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment, so I decided to go up in the tower to pray.

I sat against the wall, in total darkness, pouring my heart out to God, and crying.  What happened next is the part that is so hard to explain.  The heaviness in my heart would just not go away…no matter how hard I prayed.  In fact, it seemed the harder I prayed, the heavier it got…I soon realized I was experiencing some type of Spiritual warfare.

I laid on the floor, praying and crying out to God to ‘take it away, whatever it is!’.  By this time I had begun to experience physical affects as well…my right arm was shaking uncontrollably and my chest was incredibly tight.

I don’t know how long I had been laying there, when I heard a group of girls come up into the tower to pray for another girl that was struggling with things as well.  I didn’t say anything, but they heard me crying and went back downstairs…except for one of them.  It was my friend, Tiana.

She came over and asked me if I was okay.  I told her I was, but she kept asking me the same questions – she told me later that she couldn’t hear what I was saying.  She went back downstairs, and within a minute or two, our assistant leader, Laura D., came up in the tower…Tiana had gone and gotten her.

She asked me if I was okay and I told her I was…not wanting to admit that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  She stayed with me a few minutes, then asked if I wanted her to stay or if I wanted to be alone – I told her I wanted to be alone.

So she left.  And the attack only increased…I then wished I had asked her to stay.  I remember praying and feeling like I just didn’t have enough power to overcome whatever it was.  I knew there were a lot of people at home praying for me, so I started crying out to God, asking Him to “tell them to pray!”…knowing that the more people that prayed, the better.

I don’t know how long I had been alone, but Laura D. came back up in the tower to check on me.  She asked me what was wrong and I told her I didn’t know – not caring at this time what she might think of me.  She asked if I felt like satan was attacking and I said ‘YES!’.

The events at this point are a little unclear to me, but I think she had me pray out loud.  I do remember though that at one point it got so bad I couldn’t breathe – twice, when I exhaled, I felt as if my breath was being sucked right out of my lungs and I couldn’t inhale…my body shaking and incredibly tense…my breath finally returning after what seemed like way too long.

After awhile, she asked me if I wanted to have other leaders come and pray with me and I told her yes. At this point I had relaxed slightly, but was still shaking.  While she was getting the others, a few girls came up to the tower and were talking to me…making sure I was okay.

I remember hearing the leaders come upstairs and they asked me if I wanted to sit up…I firmly told them ‘no’.  But apparently it didn’t matter what I wanted as they told me I needed to sit up, and started trying to get me to my feet.  I remember trying to resist them, but I was so weak I couldn’t.  As they were lifting me up, I remember hearing Becky’s voice and next thing I knew she had her arms around me, holding me up.  I was still crying.

They then said we needed to go into the light, and I remember trying to resist again…something inside me was not wanting to go into the light – I wanted to stay in the dark.  But I didn’t really have a choice, and Becky helped me towards the stairs…practically having to carry me since my legs were so weak. My eyes were closed the entire time…I didn’t want to see the light.

When we got the top of the stairs, Becky helped me walk down until we got to the top of the next flight of stairs, where she sat me down and they all sat down around me.  I remember her asking me to look at her, and I told her no. But again she told me to look at her and I did – for about half a second and my eyes slammed shut.  Again she told me to look at her, and I had to force my eyes open, but I looked at her for a couple of seconds, then again closed my eyes – leaning against her, still crying.

“It’s a Spirit of Fear” I heard her say.  I wondered how she knew, but didn’t ask…all I wanted was to be free from it!  This part is also slightly blurry, but I think she prayed for me and then told me I needed to pray.  She helped me as far as what I needed to say and I started to feel more and more relaxed…the prayers were working!

By the time I had finished praying, I was still crying, but the heaviness was gone.  I felt incredibly weak, but also a sense of joy!  One of the girls there had a box of kleenex and was handing me some and, bless her sweet servants heart!, gathering the ones I was done with.

We sang of couple of songs, and then we all headed down to the lobby…me still leaning on Becky since I physically could not walk on my own – let alone go down 3 flights of stairs!

Several of us then gathered around and Becky prayed, and we sang several songs, and shared testimonies.  As I sat on the couch next to my leader Laura B. I was almost falling asleep – I felt like I had just been in a hand-to-hand combat, I was so weak and exhausted…but at the same time I was smiling!

Satan had tried to defeat me, but in the end, he was the one who lost!

I just want to wrap this up by saying that, the God I serve – the Lord Jesus Christ – is one amazing, powerful, and awesome God!

Galatians 2:14b

“…If thou, being a Jew, livest after the manner of Gentiles, and do not as do the Jews, why compellest thou the Gentiles to live as do the Jews?”  Galatians 2:14b  KJV

This verse jumped out at me a few days ago as I was reading through my Bible.  I saw it as God saying to me  “If you, being a Christian, live like a non-Christian, then why do you try to get non-Christians to live as Christians.”

Whether it’s music that I listen to, clothes that I wear, activities that I do, movies I watch, words that I use, etc.  I need to do it all for the Glory of God…even if it’s means I’m different from everyone else.  I don’t need to – and I shouldn’t – just ‘fit in’…I need to stand out…not in a “look at me” way, but as a light in the darkness.

So how about you, are you standing out, or blending in?