My Journey from Within pt. 2

Lisa L.’s story continues………

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In 1990 we had the Birth of our first born child, Jacob Steven.  10 days later we experienced his death.  This was total destruction and devastation, I still haven’t figured out to what good I can place on it, but I do know one thing that God never left my side, because I can smile and enjoy life today.  I just place my trust in Him and the fact that we have a child in heaven waiting for his momma and daddy to come home.

In 1991 less than a year later we gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Alitza Ann, a difficult birth with forceps and a true knot in her cord, resulting in Cerebral palsy.  Oh, but God I had the faith to move mountains, I trusted you in this pregnancy, you let me down, I didn’t deserve this, I thought God owed me something.  I expected to be let down by man but not by God!  He allowed more things to happen to me than what I could handle…Just what was He thinking?  Eventually, I even became broken. 

Just recently I figured out that I had misinterpreted a scripture “God won’t ever give you more than you can handle!” which is an old adage that people say to you.  The correct scriptureis 1st Corinthians 10:13 “the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.  And God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”  Deceived by what “I” portrayed a scripture to mean.  HMMMM……… 

In 1993 I miscarried, the road down hill…. Soon after Depression followed… looking back I see this as an overload of responsibility with little sleep and the body just shut down, I passed out one night with Alitza in my arms at a night time wake up session and this is when I became broke.  When you become this depressed you go back to all of the basics.  

God became my Rock, the only thing to hold one, nothing else could fill the void, no food, no shopping trip, no vacation, no coffee drink, ABSOLUTELY NO QUICK FIXES.  I was terrified to take medications as I had had a very bad reaction to one.  God led me to a terrific physiatrist and even got me into see him immediately when the waiting list for any Dr. was at least 6mths long.  

 This dr. suggested I be put on Prozac, which was a bad word to me and a couple of other meds which even terrified me more.  I was at home ready to take the first dose and I began praying about it…..as I was praying the phone rang.

 It was a lady from our church asking to use our card table for a church dinner….in the conversation, I don’t know how it came up but this person actually asked me if I had ever taken Prozac, I said, “well actually I’m just getting ready to pop it into my mouth right now, but I’m afraid”, she said, “oh Lisa don’t be afraid of it, it will help you.”  Bingo, my confirmation 🙂  I’ve been on it ever since.  God slowly lifted me from the depression with wonderful gifts that I couldn’t have otherwise received, if I hadn’t been taken to the point of totally relying on Him.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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My Journey from Within

2 Fridays ago, I had the priviledge of getting together with other Christian, single young ladies that I know, for a time of fellowship.  The mom to one of the girls (Mrs. Lisa L.), spoke to us and gave us her life testimony.  I must say that when I first met Mrs. L, I would not have guessed her to have the story that she has! 

She is so outgoing and energetic; smiling and laughing, and you can tell she really loves the Lord…so as I sat there, listening to her testimony, I was amazed at how, after going through everything she went through, she could be the way she is…..but as you’ll read, it is only by the Grace of God that her life is what it is today 🙂  

So, without further ado…here is part one of Lisa L.’s testimony 🙂 

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My Journey from Within

March 19, 2011

 I was Baptized into Christ on January 17th, 1978 I was 12 years old.  I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit and so it began…my obedience and in some cases my disobedience.

 In the beginning, it was simple, church camp, youth group, Sunday school, going through the motions, living on the coat tail of what I had learned about religion. 

In the early 1980’s I prayed for Wisdom this showed how unwise I was.  A big step, but I didn’t know how big.  I actually had no idea what I was in for, which was a good thing or I wouldn’t have asked for it, and would have missed out on such blessings.

 In July 1986 I married Erik A.  We had been dating for three years; he had been diagnosed with cancer just months before we were married.  He was in remission by October and back in the hospital by the first of the New Year, the cancer had come back with vengeance.  We swiftly moved from Bryan to Parkview in Fort Wayne, it was a night never to be forgotten.  I spent the night in the hospital with Erik, he slept soundly while I kept the man in the bed next to him up all night, we talked of many things, Bob had leukemia, and he was an elderly gentleman and a wonderful listener.

 We mostly talked of God and I proceeded to tell him about how hard I was trying to keep up with what I thought I was supposed to be. It tired me as I strived to live up to what I thought God expected me to be.  I told him I was thinking about just giving up on the religion thing, it was just too hard. 

 I’ll never forget the look on Bob’s face, he paused for a long time and said, “Lisa, have you been immersed, have you accepted Christ into your heart?”  I said, “Well ya, why?”  His next words changed my life forever.  “Then why are you trying so hard?”  This was my light bulb moment; my eyes were opened to a grace I had never seen before.  Grace is a gift, not something you have to work for.

 We were sent to Indianapolis within a day, during this time I was introduced to two different scriptures by my Aunt Linda.  Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your pathways straight.”  The other one was… “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28.  I carried these words around like they were Gold.

 Erik was gone by the end of February.  It was a snowy night I was 21 years old, I ended up in the hospital chapel trusting to God to take me to another place, I just basically said, “Well God you took care of Erik now it’s time to take care of me.”

 In June of 1988 Steve and I were Married, we had come from different church backgrounds, so before we had children, we had decided to make a commitment to one church or the other.  I had conceded to become catholic, but I think Steve at this point decided it would be easier for him to follow me.  So that was the turn we made in the road.

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TO BE CONTINUED……

Special Post!!!

There is something very special about this blog post!  What is it you ask?  Well…keep reading and you’ll find out 🙂

For about a year now, my laptop has been very close to death…and I mean literally.  The lid is falling apart and I’m not able to close it, it’s quite old, and VERY S.L.O.W.

So, I started praying for a new one – preferably one with a pink lid!  Those of you who know me personally are probably laughing right now…those of you who don’t know me personally, let’s just say I like – okay LOVE – the color pink!!   Anyhow..back to my story…

We were blessed with a lot of work this summer and I have been saving my money like crazy…and constantly watching the Staples website to see if the laptop I wanted was marked down any.

There were a couple of times when it was a really good deal, but I prayed about it and felt that I was to wait…not easy!

Well…that’s the short version, and it brings us to earlier this week…

I have been wanting to go on another Journey to the Heart, but earlier this year I didn’t have the finances, then throughout the summer I had a lot of stuff going on.  I thought the girls’ Journey’s were done, but for some odd reason (I don’t remember what), I got on their website Monday and discovered there is one more in November!   One problem…it would take all the money I saved for my laptop to be able to go.

So, as you can imagine, I prayed..and prayed hard.  I came to the conclusion that, the laptop would wait…I’m going on the Journey.  My laptop will just have to survive…

That brings us to yesterday…

Let me just say, the one thing I really dislike about Yahoo e-mail are the picture ads…they can be so annoying…but not this time!  I hopped on to check my e-mail real quick, and what do you think the picture ad on the side was?  It was from Staples…and the exact laptop I had been watching was on sale…for an AMAZING deal…and in my price range!

Needless to say, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do!  So I prayed, and did what I always do when I’m not sure about something…ask mom what she thought!  In all honesty, she wasn’t real helpful at first with her “you do what you think you need to do” advice…but we discussed it awhile.

I told her that I really wanted to on a Journey, and if I got the laptop I wouldn’t have enough to be able to go.  She said, “Well, maybe you are supposed to get the laptop and trust God to provide for Journey if you are really meant to go.”

I, the always difficult one, replied “Yes, but what if it’s supposed to be vice versa…what if I’m supposed to save for Journey and trust Him for the laptop?”

I don’t recall her answer…in fact, I’m not quite sure she had one.  But she did eventually end up telling me that she thought I should get the laptop, since I use it for doing something good – blogging (which I feel God has called me to do).

So, I brought it up for discussion at the dinner table.  I ended up getting 2 more affirmative votes and decided………I was going to get the laptop and trust God for providing for Journey.

So, what’s the ‘very special’ thing about this blog post, you ask?  It’s the first one on my new laptop…complete with the pink lid of course (which was also on sale) !!!!

I am so glad I didn’t get a laptop awhile back when I first saw it on sale…though at the time I really wanted to get one!  The deal I got was SO much better…and the lady at Staples said they wouldn’t be marking it down anymore, and once they were gone, they were gone.

My God is so good!!!!

Below are a few pictures of my laptops…both of which I named Adele…I’ll let you figure that one out 😉

Side-by-side comparrison….

Eek! See the pink lid? 🙂 I’m so excited to have a laptop that I can close now!!

My old companion…yes…those are pink pieces of paper taped to it 🙂 I liked having quotes and verses to read while I waited for something to load 🙂

Now to wait and see if I’ll have a Journey to blog about in November 🙂  ~  Proverbs 3:5-6

Not My Understanding, But His

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6
 

 This verse is what I call my ‘life verse’.  God gave it to me a few years ago and it has gotten me through quite a bit.  But it wasn’t until just a few days ago that I saw it in another light.  You see, I always read the “Trust in the Lord” part and never really focused on the “lean not on your own understanding” part…until the other day, as I was praying a prayer I had found for my husband, and this happened to be one of the verses.

Of course it caused me to take a good look at myself…Have I been leaning on my own understanding?  When God does something I don’t understand how do I react?  Am I okay with it and keep trusting Him, or do I get frustrated that things aren’t going the way I want them to?

Another verse that really became real to me lately was “for we walk by faith, not by sight.”  (2nd Corinthians 5:7).  I realized I’ve been walking by sight – only what I could see God doing – and not fully walking by faith – trusting that He is doing what’s best for me, no matter what I see. 

See how those 2 verses can go hand-in-hand?  If I walk by sight, I’m leaning on my own understanding – only what I can see and comprehend.  But if I walk by faith, I’m leaning on God’s understanding – trusting Him to get me through and be my guide. 

I found it interesting that this all became clearer to me while praying for my husband, since this is the area in my life that I really need to be trusting God in.  That I would wait for HIS timing to bring the right guy along…HIS timing for my courtship…and for HIS pen to write my love story!

So as I set out to walk more by faith and to lean on God’s understanding, not mine; I’m sure trials and discouragements will come, but with God as my guide, I’ll know I’m walking the right way, and that my life story is being written by the best author!!